A Christ-follower with a limp: October 2018

Sunday, October 28, 2018

When the Pastor is in the Pits

“I guess that’s why they call it the blues…” Elton John

October often triggers melancholia for me. There’s something about the coolness in the air, color changes and shifts in the season that find me a bit downcast. If I’m not careful, it can spiral downward into deep depression.

I know that part of it is an “anniversary.” My birthday is in October, and when I was growing up, birthdays weren’t pleasant occasions. While I rarely think about the past, there is a cloud of regret of what might have been. For many years, I’d just deny those feelings. I’ve been very, very blessed in that Jane and my children have helped me move into “normal,” that a birthday is something to be celebrated, not dreaded. For many, that may sound simplistic yet when you grow up in an addictive/abusive home, nothing is simple and little is normal. Normal often becomes the abnormal.

It might surprise some that pastors struggle with depression. It’s easy to forget that pastors are human, too. While we serve a “Super God,” there are no super Christians. It’s all part of a fallen world and what the Apostle Paul dubbed “common” (1 Cor. 10:13) to all of us. Most Christians struggle or have bouts of depression, and so do most pastors. While many pastors struggle with depression, most in their church have no idea their pastor is depressed. Too often they’re unaware until they’re awakened by the reality of some of the dramatic consequences of the depression: a fractured marriage, uncontrolled emotion (anger or sadness), a resignation and sometimes even suicide.

Too many churches and pastors have been taught that depression is a sign of failure and is something that must be hidden from view. Apparently, those who purport such lies have never read the Psalms or Lamentations.

Noted church authority, Thom Ranier, suggests that there are five primary causes that pastors identified as the reasons behind their depression. Each of the causes is followed by a direct quote from pastors who shared with Ranier their struggles.

Spiritual warfare. “I don’t mean this in a profane way, but there was a point in my ministry when all hell broke loose. I can’t explain the attacks any way other than spiritual warfare. The Enemy was intent on destroying my ministry, and I began to spiral downward emotionally.”

The surprising reality of pastoral leadership. “I wish someone had told me how tough it is to be a pastor. My single counsel was to preach the Word, and I understand the priority of preaching. But, after a year or so in my first pastorate at age 31, I saw the underbelly of local church life. I was just caught off guard. And it took me some time before I realized I was truly depressed.”

Sense of inadequacy. “My church is declining. While I don’t get hung up on numbers, my members started talking about the decline. And when we had to delete a position because we could no longer pay the person, I really begin to hit rock bottom. I felt like it was all my fault.”

Critics and bullies. “Pastoral leadership really can be a death by a thousand cuts. It’s not any one person or criticism; it’s the constant and steady stream of criticisms. It wears on you. My depression came on gradually, so by the time I was in deep depression, I did not see it coming.”

Loneliness. “It’s really hard to find a true friend when you are a pastor. And when you have no one to talk to about your struggles and questions, life can get lonely.”

For me, I’d probably add, “Feeling that I’m not making a difference.” There are times that I second-guess myself and wonder if I’m making an impact. I have to remind myself that the harvest is the end of the age, not the end of the service or at the end of the year.

No doubt many who are reading this also struggle with depression. While I don’t have all of the answers, I do know what helps me.

I remind myself that God’s grace really is sufficient. That may sound like a pat answer, yet when I consider how that promise (2 Cor. 12:9) sustained the Apostle Paul who suffered more than I can begin to even fathom, then I seek to lean hard on that promise.

I embrace it rather than seeking to escape it. I really love humor. I love to laugh. The valley of the shadow helps me be more contemplative. There are portions of Scripture that are more meaningful, music that touches me deeper, stories that resonate more when I’m a bit downcast.

I seek to look upward. I’m continually shocked at the darkness of my own soul and then I remember that my loving Heavenly Father knows all of that – and still loves me. He has given me grace upon grace. He is never surprised and loves me unconditionally. His grace truly awes me!

I seek to look outward. When I’m depressed, I think about me, me, me…and then I’m really bummed. As I find ways to help, encourage and be a blessing to others, I find that I’m so encouraged. It can be simple things. The other day I was at a restaurant and learned my server’s story. Just listening to him as he shared the heartbreak of a divorce and seeking to encourage him, let him know that I would pray for him…encouraged me.

I seek to express gratitude. I find that as I am thankful to God and others, my spirits begin to rise.

Learn the seasons of your soul. I know that my “blue” time is usually the fall, so I plan a strategy. It begins with something simple – Get out of bed! Many years ago when I had a major bout with depression, I foolishly hid in bed, hoping perhaps I could sleep it away. That never works.

Then, I make myself go to the gym. I find exercise and socializing help.

Even when it seems Scripture is dry, I make myself spend time in the Word and prayer. It’s not a spiritual marathon. Yet, since Jesus is the Great Physician and I’m having a bout with some soul sickness, I better spend time with the Doctor of my soul.
Depression is a reality for many on this side of eternity. One of my greatest encouragements is that no matter how bad this world may get or difficult that life may seem – it’s all only temporary! I’m not Home yet!

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Sunday, October 21, 2018

What happens when a baby dies?

“One always wonders about roads not taken.” Warren Christopher

Some of the most beautiful roads you’ll ever travel are small side roads that deviate a bit from your main destination. Over the years I’ve traveled many of them. For example, in the Appalachians, it seems like any small road that’s a bit off the beaten path delivers tantalizing eye-candy. It’s one reason that I prefer to drive. It lets me savor the beauty of God’s creation.

Studying the Bible is like that. To see some of Scripture’s richest and most encouraging truths, it takes extra time and even a few detours from the destined path. Because of the limitations of time many beautiful sideroads must be hurried by each week. Last Sunday we had to hurry by a very comforting truth. It’s one that touches nearly everyone in our church family: What happens when a child or baby dies? As we worked our way through Luke 18:15-17, Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

Many in our church family have experienced a miscarriage or lost a child. Some had an abortion or someone close to them had one. There are special needs children who never develop the mental capacity to make a cognitive decision to follow Christ. So, what happens to all of these individuals when they die? Does Scripture say anything about this? And what can we share from Scripture to parents or loved ones on the death of a child?

In the normal order of life, children bury their parents. A child’s death reverses this order. For those parents and families, life will never be the same. It’s a wound that will never totally heal this side of heaven.

Shortly after 9/11, Larry King, interviewed nationally known author and pastor, John MacArthur. During the live interview, Larry fired a question at Pastor MacArthur that seemingly came out of nowhere. King’s question reveals a nagging, troubling issue in the human heart: “What about a two-year-old baby crushed at the bottom of the World Trade Center?” To which MacArthur responded, “Instant heaven.”

It’s a heartrending question that plagues Christians and non-Christians alike: What happens to children that die? It’s a very real question. It’s estimated that up to 25% of all human conceptions never complete the 20^th week of pregnancy. Neo-natal death, (death in the womb), para-natal death, (death at the time of birth), occur in massive numbers even in our day of medical advancement. We have a larger population in the world than we’ve ever had, yet even with a lower infant mortality rate than we’ve ever had, there are still massive amounts of childhood deaths.

25,000 children under five die every day. That’s over nine million each year. Take that number, nine million annually, and keep adding years. The numbers of young deaths are staggering. So, the question, What happens to them? Where are they? has monumental significance. Jesus’ words are so comforting, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

Although all humans are born into sin, in that we’re all sinners, as Psalm 51:5 states, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me,” yet because children are unable to cognitively believe and comprehend the issues of the gospel, they go to Heaven. Why?

Because Jesus, God’s Son, died on the cross for the sin of the whole world (1 John 2:2). He alone is the Savior of all human beings. The only means of receiving that salvation is by personal faith in Christ. This can only really apply to those who are able to believe. Small children can’t understand that they’re sinners, nor can they reject Christ. Since Jesus paid for their sin by His death on the Cross, children will be in heaven. The Lord Jesus died for all of our sin. The only sin that can keep a person separated from God is the sin of unbelief and rejection of Christ.

This is why, too, in that while we’re thankful many other religions and denominations are pro-life, we greatly differ with them in our motive. Because we believe life begins at conception, we believe abortion is murder. Other religious groups believe that, too, but they also believe that if a baby dies or an infant is aborted without being “baptized,” that child is doomed to hell. Apart from the fact that the Bible never teaches infant or child baptism, it certainly doesn’t teach an unbaptized child is sentenced to hell. It’s a manmade dogma with absolutely no biblical support.

The Bible never says that “by Christian baptism one enters the Kingdom of God and into the sphere of the saving work of Christ.” If baptism saves someone, why did Jesus have to die? Wouldn’t it make more sense that instead of Jesus dying we just “kidnap” people and baptize them so that they all go to heaven? Isn’t the unspoken answer to Jesus’ question in the Garden of Gethsemane? “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” But there was no other way than His substitutionary death on the cross.

C.S. Lewis in his wonderful book, The Last Battle, wrote about a terrible train accident that killed all the children in a family. That surfaced the question; What about those children? Here’s what Lewis wrote. “And as God spoke, he no longer looked to them like a lion” (Remember, Lewis pictures God as a lion, Aslan) but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them, and for us this is the end of all stories and we can say most truly that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world had only been the cover of the title page, now at last they were beginning chapter one of the great story which goes on forever in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

I love that! What a comforting truth for grieving parents and family – when children die they live happily ever after. It’s what Scripture affirms! It gives us hope! Jesus said, “for to such belongs the kingdom of God.”

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Breaking free from technology addiction

“Technology is best when it brings people together.”

Matt Mullenweg

Danish philosopher and theologian, Søren Kierkegaard, told a parable of a rich man riding in a lighted carriage driven by a peasant who sat behind the horse in the cold and dark outside. Unfortunately, because he sat near the artificial light inside the lit carriage, the rich man missed the panorama of beautiful stars outside, a view that was gloriously manifest to the peasant.

Technology, even something as simple as carriage lights, can rob us of the beauty of reality. Ours is a culture that thinks that it has everything, yet often misses so much. One of the joys of going someplace out of the way, even desolate, is that you can see things you wouldn’t normally see though they were there all along. What’s missing is perspective, being distracted, even blinded by technology.

Some years ago our family was vacationing in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I was out on a boat fishing in the middle of the lake late at night with a friend. As we looked up into the sky, I’d never seen so many stars. It was truly glorious! With the glare though of city lights of even small towns, those same stars are virtually invisible.

Like the rich man in the carriage, technology often blinds us to true beauty. Please understand, I’m not a Luddite. I’m very thankful for modern conveniences. Yet, I know that those same conveniences often blind me to real beauty. Technology is attractive…even addictive (at least it can be for me). I find that I have to discipline myself to not check my phone and focus on what’s going on around me.

In the past, when I was out with family or friends for a meal, I’d put my phone on the table. A friend pointed out that when the phone is on the table, the phone has priority over everyone and everything else. Since then, when I can, I try to remember to put it on silent and keep it in my pocket.

Yet, it’s very alluring to be connected on my phone with things that are thousands of miles away and miss what’s going on right in front of me. It’s tempting when a question comes up to immediately Google the answer on the computer that we can hold in our hand. It doesn’t help that with clocks on our phones, many no longer wear watches. While we plan to just check the time, the enticement of other eye-candy can be overly enticing. Without really thinking, we find that we’re also checking email, Facebook or Twitter. Before we know it, huge chunks of time are gone, we’re a million miles away, seduced by technology from what was the true priority.

Many of us miss out on life’s most precious moments because we’re so busy trying to capture them on our phones. 40% admit that they’ve not truly experienced moments, such as a child’s first steps or a graduation, because technology got in the way. The average adult says 16 hours is the longest he or she can be parted from their cell phone before feeling “miserable.” It’s not a big surprise that another 35% confess they spend too much on their cell, laptop or Ipad. If more of us were candidly honest, the percentage would no doubt be much higher.

Technology addiction can be a source of great humor or embarrassment. One woman who regularly went to sleep while using her iPad woke up one morning to find it at the bottom of the bed. Somehow it’d triggered camera mode and accidentally shot a sequence of blurred pictures that no one should ever see. Another man went on vacation in the country with his family and twisted his ankle after walking into a cow while texting. One in five has bumped into someone because they were so preoccupied with their hand-held device. One in ten has tripped or fallen while texting or walked into a pole or wall. Countless others regularly violate social etiquette by texting in the theater during a movie (24%), during a wedding (16%), and even in church (12%...just know our ushers are on alert 😊). 74% admit that their phone is never more than three feet away from them.

Now I’m not suggesting we all join a worldwide 12-step. For the believer, it begins with “Be still, and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10). A spirit of quietness and being unplugged is a needed starting point. As we see God and look at life from His perspective, all of the pieces begin to come together. Some other practical steps would be…

The rule of 3. Rather than jumping at the sound of every electronic notification, designate 3 times a day to check email and social media and limit the time you spend responding. It will give you uninterrupted blocks of time where you’re not disturbed by meaningless distractions.

Start your day technology free. Starting with your phone the first thing in the morning immediately flips you into work mode. Instead start your day with a quiet word of prayer and other things that are fulfilling like savoring coffee, reading the paper, cuddling with your child or spouse.

Set expectations by responding to texts or voicemails during reasonable hours. If you respond after 9:00 pm or on Saturday morning, others will believe you’re available anytime, 24/7, and will sabotage your downtime.

Give your phone a home to enforce healthy work/life boundaries. When you walk in the door, place your devices in a designated spot rather than carrying it into the dining room or bedroom or even having it tethered to your side. If it’s important for someone to get in touch with you, they’ll leave a text or voicemail that you can respond to at a more convenient time.

Make a point to do something non-tech related each day. Read a book. Walk outside. Play an instrument or even create something with your hands. Making it a habit to step away from technology and work, even for a few minutes, provides perspective and restoration.

God designed a need for rest into our very being. Ask any athlete and they’ll tell you that rest is essential for physical training. Rest is essential for soul rest and spiritual growth. If we don’t technologically untether ourselves and schedule rest into our lives, we’ll miss out on the vast panorama of beauty that our Heavenly Father has created for us to enjoy.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

When a spiritual leader falls...

“The subtlety of sin is that it doesn’t feel like sin when we’re doing it; it feels godlike, it feels religious, it feels fulfilling and satisfying.” Eugene Peterson

One of the most frightening statements a Christian ever makes is: “I’d never do that.” It’s foolish and violates 1 Corinthians 10:12, “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.”

The world changed. A generation that grew up with TVs’ #1 Dad, Dr. Huxtable was horrified to learn that Bill Cosby was a moral monster. Yet, it’s not just them, it’s us, too. It’s gotten where I don’t want to read the religious news or receive an update on a colleague in ministry. Too often they’re horrifying, embarrassing and nauseating.

A few months ago news broke that a mega-church pastor that I’d long admired had been living a double-life. As the charges trickled out, at first I was skeptical. Unlike the court of public opinion often fueled by a media salivating over a whiff of scandal, Scripture teaches us that someone is “innocent until proven guilty.” We’d do well to heed that. Someday the accused might be us or someone we dearly love.

Yet, when the evidence became insurmountable because of the credibility of those bringing the charges, it was apparent it was all true. Sadly, that pastor never has come completely clean. But what’s motivated me to write this is that another scandal closer to home has taken place. A pastor of a mega-church has committed adultery, resigning in shame. This time it was encouraging there was a confession and an admission of guilt on his part.

Too often we ask the wrong question: How could he/she do that? We ask that because we don’t believe sin is potent and deceptive. We’re naïve of the depths of depravity of the heart, particularly of our own heart.

King David’s failure is a warning to us all. The Bible describes him as “a man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22). Yet, David, the one who demonstrated great faith and love for God, committed adultery, then covered it up by assassinating an innocent man, Uriah. You’ll find the sordid account in 2 Samuel 11-12. As King, David thought he’d gotten away with it. No one gets away with anything. A holy God knows and sees everything, “No creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Heb. 4:13).

Sometimes we foolishly rejoice when it’s another religious group that receives a public black eye. That’s a wrong, even vile, response. And we forget that unbelievers paint with a very broad brush. All that they know is that another “religious” leader was a hypocrite and morally failed. It’s a spiritual turn off and gives them fodder to justify rejecting the gospel.

In the end none of us will be able to stand before God and rationalize away our own rejection or spiritual apathy because of someone else’s moral failure, even if it was a spiritual leader. So, in this day of too frequent moral catastrophes, what are some takeaways for us?

God never sins and never fails. We must look beyond fallen humanity and the created order to our Creator. As Scripture tells us, God is unchanging. God said of Himself in Malachi 3:6, “For I the Lord do not change.” Even the best intentioned human being will fail and disappoint you. God never will. He never changes. You can trust and depend on Him.

Every spiritual leader is just a redeemed sinner. There are no great Christians. There is only a great God. Every Bible teacher, every pastor is just another fallen, sinful human being who needs Christ’s sacrificial death, and is dealing with the same temptations that we all struggle with.

Please understand, it’s not an excuse. A pastor is a spiritual leader with accountability before God (James 3:1). He’s to be held to a higher standard. Scripture outlines moral qualifications for pastoral leadership (1 Tim. 3). Yet, every minister is also sinner, in need of Christ’s work for their own forgiveness and sanctification. We need to let them direct our eyes to our wonderful God, not get in the way of seeing Him.

No spiritual leader is irreplaceable or unaccountable. A few years ago a missionary friend rationalized and covered serious sin – he felt that he was irreplaceable. God doesn’t need any of us. One of my favorite verses for ministry is 2 Corinthians 4:7. The Apostle Paul writes, “We have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” In other words, the tool is just a tool – God is the master craftsman. It’s His work and He must receive all of the glory.

If you see a spiritual leader doing something that dishonors Jesus’ name, you have a responsibility to hold them accountable. There are no superstars in the Kingdom. We must also rejoice over and encourage the many who are faithful. For every one who falls, there are tens of thousands who remain faithful. While it appears like an epidemic when a few high profile religious leaders blow it, in reality, sexual misconduct among evangelical pastors is far lower than most other professions. It’s that we have higher expectations of pastors (which we should), so their moral failures are magnified. I have many friends in ministry who have been unquestionably faithful to their spouses, love God genuinely, and seek to honor Him in their private lives. Thousands of airliners take off and land safely every single day, yet what makes the news are the one or two annually that crash.
It’s a horrible thing every time a minister falls and should break our hearts. It needs to remind us to faithfully pray for those in spiritual leadership, and remind us too, that Jesus is the only one we can absolutely trust and must ultimately follow. Please don’t let a human leader cause you to stumble or become discouraged. When we do, Satan wins. By God’s grace, let’s commit anew to following Jesus no matter what!