A Christ-follower with a limp: July 2018

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Regret: Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

“I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age.” Jonathan Edwards

This past May Supreme Court Justice, Clarence Thomas, delivered the Commencement Address at Christendom College. Most commencement speeches tend to be the same vapid fluff of “the future is yours…you can do anything you set your mind on.” They’re rarely notable and seldom remembered. Justice Thomas though took a refreshingly different approach. He candidly and genuinely spoke of his own personal regrets:

“In 1971, when I was where you are, I was approaching my 23^rd birthday. I was in the process of accumulating—while I sat as you sit—many, many regrets. Such as, failing to return home to visit my grandparents often enough. Too often being influenced by my contemporaries, who knew no more about life than I did! … Even as I’ve had bad judgment, the bad judgment of youth, something kept me from going too far and helped me to learn from those experiences. I spent 25 years of my life in the wilderness, away from the church, and yet the clarion call of Sunday church bells never went away. Something restrained me…In fact, it was a conscience…Even when I had turned my heart against it and turned back on it. I have no doubt that this faith will do the same for each of you if you let it. Perhaps even if you don’t. It is not a tether, but rather is a guide. The way, the truth, and the life.

That reminds me of my encounters with my grandfather, as the bitter young man. Seemingly I was certain about everything. You know, it’s funny now just how certain we think we are about so much when we have two decades of life under our belts. At the end of our confrontations—that had to be exasperating to my wonderful grandfather—he would often simply say before walking away, ‘You just live long enough, you’ll see’.”

Since all of us have a sin nature, regrets are universal. I know I have many. Wonderfully for Christians, we know that all of our regrets were nailed to the cross and can be forgiven. Yet, the other side of forgiveness is repentance. By God’s grace, we can change for the future and limit regrets.

Bronnie Ware, a nurse specializing in care of the terminally ill, recorded her patients' most common regrets. Some of the top ones include:

I wish that I’d let myself be happier. People admit that they feared change, so they pretended that they were content. They wished that they’d laughed more and allowed themselves to be sillier. I wish I’d stayed in touch with friends. Most people feel badly that they were so caught up in their own lives, they let important friendships slip away. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. This regret was expressed by every male patient…every single one of them. I wish I’d been more loving to the people who matter the most. Many expressed sorrow for not having been more understanding, caring, and present for the people who were important to them. They wished they had the courage to say “I love you” more often. I wish I’d been a better spouse, parent, or child. Once someone became terminally ill, it was their families who stuck by them to hold their hand, provide love and companionship, and care for them around the clock. Even if your family isn’t perfect, they’re usually the ones who are there for you when you need them. I wish I’d have done more for others. Many patients made the decision, oftentimes right from their hospice beds, to donate their money to charities and service organizations so they could positively affect the lives of others after they were gone.

Memory is a funny thing. If someone were to ask you what the happiest moment of your life was, odds are it might take a few seconds for you to respond. On the other hand, when someone asks about your biggest mistake, a memory which brings you the most shame, the mind is instantly flooded with countless, painful instances of regret. Remorse is a cruel teacher, but you never forget a lesson.

Yesterday is gone. Too often we focus on yesterday and miss out on opportunities to wisely use now. So, what should believers do with regret?

Confess it and move forward. The Apostle Paul wrote, “forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). Paul could have had many regrets. He’d persecuted the Church, thrown believers into prison. He’d watched and approved when the Jews stoned Stephen. But Paul didn’t dwell on his past sins. He “forgot” the past. It doesn’t mean he didn’t remember his sins. It means he intentionally didn’t focus on them, but focused on the prize, putting his energies into pursuing Christ. We must set aside the past and focus on the present and future of honoring Christ, making our lives count from this day forward.

Thank God that He causes all things, even our worst failures, to work together for good! It’s beyond our comprehension, yet our Sovereign God causes all things, even our sins, to work for good. That doesn’t mean we should sin intentionally. It does mean when we’re tempted to fall into the pit of regret, turn it to praise, “Father I praise you that by Your infinite power and wisdom, You cause even my failures to work for good.”

Let your failures keep you humble. Our regrets help us be humble. We can’t look down on someone because we ourselves have sinned in countless ways. Past failures remind us that we’re all capable of the most vile debauchery apart from God’s grace. Because we know we’re susceptible to temptation, we must pray regularly for God to deliver us.

Our Heavenly Father wants to build on our regrets, turning them into trophies for His glory. We must determine to focus and press forward for the goal of the prize of the upward call of God. Tomorrow is gone. Learn from it and invest in today and tomorrow. So, will you do that?

Can we help you spiritually? Can we help you know Jesus better? Please check out more resources on our church's web page, Gracechurchwi.org. Or, call us at 262.763.3021. If you'd like to know more about how Jesus can change your life, I'd love to mail you a copy of how Jesus changed my life in "My Story." E-mail me at Carson@gracechurchwi.org to request a free copy. Please include your mailing address.

Sunday, July 22, 2018

The Joy of Parenting a Teen!

“Myths which are believed in tend to become true.”

George Orwell

It’s not surprising that non-Christians believe this myth. After all, the Bible isn’t the foundation for their worldview. Yet, it’s surprising and saddening that, at least by listening to what’s said, most Christians are contaminated by Ad Populum. What’s Ad Populum? It’s a logical fallacy that attempts to prove an argument as correct simply because many people believe it to be so. It’s that McDonald’s sign which says, “Billions and billions served.” The underlying assumption is that if so many people eat McDonald’s, McDonald’s must be really good. Another would be that since over 60% of Americans believe in aliens, obviously there are aliens.

An Ad Populum that’s made its way into the Church is that raising teens is very hard and teenagers are very difficult. It’s simply not true. Some are and some aren’t. The thinking that bad teen years is inescapable is a myth and those who believe it are ignorant of Scripture.

Some of the greatest heroes and heroines in Scripture were teens: David (1 Samuel 17); Joseph (Genesis 37); An unnamed slave girl (2 Kings 5); Daniel and his friends (Daniel 1); Mary the Mother of Jesus (Luke 1).

Paul wrote to Timothy, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12). While it’s true that raising teens can be challenging, yet aren’t most things that are worthwhile challenging if they are going to be rewarding? Some of my most fulfilling friendships today began when an individual was a teen. Yet, to be successful you must have the right tools. What do you need to parent a teen?

A soft tongue. Teens are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. In spite of the bravado, they’re very insecure. Other teens can be very cruel. So, they need affirmation and lots of it. Praise though what you want to encourage. A godless world is enamored with ability and appearance. Our loving heavenly Father rewards character. Praise what God loves!

Teens also need soft answers when they spout sharp words, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1).

A thick skin. Because they lack maturity, wisdom and discernment – a teen often says the first thing that pops in their head. That’s not a sign of wisdom. Proverbs 19:11 reminds us that “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs” (NLT). Can you imagine driving through Chicago traffic and every time someone changed lanes without turning on their signal, you laid on your horn? (Hopefully, none of you do that). Have you ever had a boss who nit-picked your every misstep? Remember how frustrating it was? So, choose your battles.

While in your face disrespect shouldn’t be tolerated, and not only because it’s a sin, it’s a pattern that will hurt a future with an employer. This is where parents, particularly a godly Dad, can make a difference. I once told one of our then teen children, “Do not talk to my wife like that.”

A strong backbone. Anything worthwhile takes effort and the endurance of pain. Every Olympic Gold Medalist has learned to live with the pain. The way to endure with the sometimes painfulness of raising a teen is to keep the finish line in view. You’re raising the future parent of your grandchildren, someone’s spouse and employee.

For example, if you wise off to the boss or don’t do your job, you’re terminated. You don’t get a paycheck for showing up. So, why should a parent supply a cell phone, new clothes, even wash them, give a ride or money to someone who mistreats them? Sadly, we’ve all seen the outcome of teens who weren’t “forced” to go to church or youth activities. They’re not allowed to skip school, so they get the message on which is more important. Which one though can make a difference in life and eternity?

A kind heart. Teens are often corrected for their attitudes. Yet, many parents have simmering bitterness toward a teen that’s made life difficult. They may find themselves comparing their children with their other children or with other people’s children who seem better behaved.

Sometimes the comparing is used as a weapon in an attempt to motivate a teen to alter the behavior (it doesn’t work). Besides, the reason Ralph isn’t more like Matilda is because God didn’t make Ralph that way.

Yet, how often is our own attitude sinful? We can be arrogant, angry, and apathetic (that’s just the “A’s). But our Heavenly Father is continually kind to us. I’m so thankful that He doesn’t give us what we deserve. Yes, He corrects us because He loves us (Hebrews 12:5-7). He’s not upset at us when we sin because we make His life difficult, make Him look bad or inconvenience Him. No, God knows how deadly sin is to us.

Calloused knees. The One who can change our teen’s heart is the One who gave them life. One of the blessings of being a parent is that God uses those parenting years to grow your prayer life and dependence on Him.

One of the first prayers that we must pray is not to change them – it’s, “Lord, please change me. What do you want me to learn from this?” God uses the heat of relationships to grow and sanctify us. If you have a heavy heart or feel anger bubbling inside, share it with the One who truly understands and loves both you and your teen. Scripture promises, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3).

Things may not turn out well for your teen. Each one has an independent will. The most important question isn’t, “What about my teen?” but “Who does God want me to be? How can I glorify Him in my parenting?”

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Science or Science Fiction???

“Real science can be far stranger than science fiction

and much more satisfying.” Steven Hawking

This week is one of those, “where were you when…?” for me. My family was in Ormond Beach, Florida. I’ll always remember being called in from the pool to watch a grainy broadcast and hear those immortal words from Neil Armstrong, “One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.”

As a young man, I had a teacher, Mrs. Ethel Cornelius, who instilled in me and all of her other charges a love for science. We were enthralled with amoebas and paramecium.

Too often there’s a seeming war between Christianity and Science. Yet, God as the Creator, created Science. The conflict comes when science is deified and supplants God’s rightful place. Science then becomes an idol.

Unfortunately, many deify those in white lab coats as the new priests of truth, yet what is sacrificed is true Science. As Alina Bradford writes in Live Science, “The explanation of a phenomenon is called a scientific theory. It is a misconception that theories turn into laws with enough research.” Yet, it is theory that’s consistently forced down the throat of a naïve public as scientific laws and facts. It’s junk science and more Science Fiction that actual science.

A Wall Street Journal article entitled, “How Bad is the Government’s Science?” (04-16-18) points this out. It begins with a quote from John Ioannidis, a Stanford professor, “Half the results published in peer-reviewed scientific journals are probably wrong.” He first made that claim in 2005. Since then, researchers have confirmed his skepticism by trying—and often failing—to reproduce many influential journal articles. Slowly, scientists are internalizing the lessons of this irreproducibility crisis.

According to the WSJ article, the biggest newsmakers in the crisis have been from the field of Psychological Science, which while often capturing massive media attention, “scientific truth” has frequently proved irreproducible and cannot be replicated by others. For one 2015 article in Science, independent researchers attempted to replicate 100 prominent psychology studies with only a 39% success rate.

It’s not overly surprising. Some of us have been around long enough to remember when “recovered memory therapy” was a psycho-therapy fad and the horrible damage resulting false charges caused in family relationships. I still remember a man telling me he’d learned that he’d been molested as a child through a “recovered memory therapy” session, though there was no evidence it ever actually took place. It’s probably not an accident that Shirley MacLaine’s, Out on a Limb, was popular during that same era where she claimed that she’d once lived in Atlantis, a fictional island created by Plato, and is a reincarnated Buddhist monk.

In 2012 the biotechnology firm, Amgen, attempted to reproduce 53 “landmark” studies in hematology and oncology. The outcome was that they could only replicate six. A serious question must be asked: Are doctors basing serious medical decisions about medical treatment on unverified studies? A 2015 study estimated American researchers spend $28 billion annually on irreproducible preclinical research.

Contrary to the Conventional Wisdom of our day, scientists are not infallible. Much of what’s purported as scientific fact is theory, and sometimes not even good “theory.” Yet, our culture is so beholden to science and so-called statistical evidence that we’re easily exploitable when either “deity” is used to prove a point.

John Calvin wisely warned that “the human heart is an idol factory.” Rejection of biblical truth is enticing for those who do not want to submit to God as their Creator, Sovereign and Judge. This tendency to churn out new, cutting-edge findings is often a smokescreen for an autonomous humanity rebelling against the commands of God’s Word, particularly on social issues. It’s often driven more by volition, not intellect.

The trust is that we still know so little about Creation. The science is far from settled. It’s imperative then that we think and keep asking critical questions. As Bible-believers, we’re not looking to science as the final word. In the end, it’s not statistics or experiments that prove our case. It’s God’s Word. When we add science to our argument, let’s make sure it’s real science and valid statistics. The God of all truth demands that.

Then, we need believers who are honest scientists. It will require great courage and boldness to stand up against accepted groupthink. It will usually bring great ridicule. Intellectuals aren’t known for being gracious or generous with those who dare to disagree. There’s great peer pressure to conform. Many a Christian on a university campus has caved rather than be publicly ridiculed for being so “ignorant.” Yet, shouldn’t Science encourage us to think and ask questions, not pressure us on how to think?

Bible-believers are continually derided for seeking to maintain, in the face of scientific thinking, the belief that God created humans as they are now. We do not bow before the lab door or view scientists as the sole authority on science issues. Scientists are not god-like nor do we worship science as a god. The same lab producing the latest theory purported as “fact,” often with further research contradicts that same “fact” with new research.

Antitheists and elitists love to trot out Galileo and his abuse by the Catholic Church for his views that contradicted the Church’s then teaching that was later proved to be accurate. The shoe is now on the other foot. It’s Christians who are abused and ridiculed by scientists. Though the Bible has proven accurate over and over again, don’t hold your breath waiting for scientists to admit God’s Word is accurate and their theories have been proven false. Pride often motivates us to cling to obvious fallacy because submitting to a Sovereign God is unthinkable for a rebellious heart.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Learning from the Greatest Generation

“Who escapes a duty, avoids a gain.” Theodore Parker

Each Saturday, though now 94, retired U.S. Senator Bob Dole sets off on his latest mission. A blue oxford is maneuvered over the dead right arm and the shoulder that was blown away on an Italian hillside, pressed khakis over the scarred thigh. He’s driven to a spot just outside the main entrance to the National World War II Memorial in D.C. And then they come, bus after bus, wheelchair after wheelchair, battalions of his bent brothers, stooped with years, veterans coming to see their country’s monument to their sacrifice and to be welcomed by of one of their country’s icons. Over and over again, Dole says, “Good to see you. Where you from?” as they roll close, sometimes one on each side. New York, Tennessee, Nevada, the old roll-call once again. “Let's get a picture.” “Thank you for your service.”

Sometimes Dole will do that all day, staying until the last one goes by to see the grand columns and fountains behind him. They pump his left hand or squeeze his shoulders. Sometimes he gets home, not just tired but gently battered by humanity. He’s been coming for years now, weather and health permitting, to greet aging vets, brought at no cost from throughout the country by the Honor Flight Network. As the many missions of a mission-driven life fade into history - combat hero, champion for the disabled, Senate majority leader, presidential candidate - this final calling has remained, down to just Saturdays, sometimes derailed by the doctors, still a duty to be fulfilled. “It’s just about the one public service left that I’m doing. We don’t have many of the World War II vets left. It’s important to me. I tell them it doesn't matter where you're from, what war you served in, whether you were wounded or not wounded…We’re all in this together.”

This past Wednesday we celebrated America’s birthday. The reason that we’re here today, the reason we still have the many freedoms we have, including the freedom of religion, is because young Americans jumped out of planes, stormed beaches, waded through swamps on foreign soils – willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice. We must never forget that responsibility always proceeds freedom, we serve first out of duty, not personal benefit, and freedom is always costly. Yet, our American freedom isn’t comparable to the eternal freedom born-again believers have in Christ.

Tom Brokaw dubbed those World War II vets, The Greatest Generation. I’m not sure. Our country has had a long history of generations of heroes. I do know though that the Bible teaches that every believer can be part of “The Greatest Church.” How can we do that?

Take Personal Responsibility for Yourself. One son of a WWII Medal of Honor winner remembers of his dad and his peers, “For them, responsibility was their juice. They loved responsibility…anytime they could get a task and be responsible, that was what really got em’ going.” When those from the Greatest Generation accepted responsibility, they also accepted all the consequences of that decision. They weren’t whiners or excuse makers. They took personal accountability seriously.

Taking personal responsibility is essential to being a healthy Christian. Every believer is responsible for their own personal walk with the Lord. They’re responsible to make spending time in His Word, prayer and worship a top priority. They’re responsible to serve and step up when others sit down. Early Christians turned their world upside down because they didn’t rationalize, “I’m too busy” or “someone else will do it.”

Be habitually humble. Typical of the Greatest Generation is the story of an adult child finding some war medal stashed in the attic after Dad passes away, having never told them about it. Even if their exploits were heroic, the Greatest Generation rarely talked about the war, both because of the difficulty in remembering such carnage, but also from some sense that they were merely fulfilling their duty with no reason to brag. Because our Savior was obedient unto death on the cross for us, there’s great joy found in being obedient to Him. The motive for our obedience isn’t self-glory. We’re motivated to serve out of love and gratitude for all He’s done for us. After Jesus’ great sacrifice, it’s our delight to humbly serve and obey Him.

Reach for greater challenges. The Greatest Generation wasn’t great despite the challenges they faced, but because of them. Too many dodge difficulties, erroneously believing the easier life is, the happier they’ll be. Our grandfathers knew better. Fulfillment comes from overcoming great challenges that build character and refine the soul. The challenges they faced made their joy more sweet because it was tinged with the gratitude of knowing how easily it could all have been taken away.

A Christian can’t afford to play it safe. Eternity hangs in the balance. We must pray for boldness as the Apostle Paul continually did and take great risks for the gospel. The world is headed toward a Christless eternity. We’ve been given the mission of sharing with it hope – that God loves this world, that there’s forgiveness, new life and eternity in heaven.

Endure. The Greatest Generation wouldn’t give up until the mission was accomplished. Coming home, they carried that same commitment over to the world of work. They didn’t look for personal fulfillment; they labored for a bigger purpose: to give their families the financial security they hadn’t enjoyed growing up.

Serving the Lord is even more fulfilling. Anything ultimately fulfilling is usually difficult. The rewards for serving the Lord are eternal. What a blessing it will be if we faithfully serve to hear, “Well, done, good and faithful servant” from the lips of the Captain of our souls who paid the ultimate price for us, so we could be forgiven and free forever!

Sunday, July 1, 2018

35 Years of Wedded Bliss and a Few Bumps

“God’s way to a successful marriage focuses on what husbands and wives put into it, not on what they can get out of it.” John MacArthur

Every year I officiate a few weddings. To be candid what I most enjoy is not the wedding but the pre-marital counseling. It probably is a vital issue with me because of my own background and unfortunately, the lack of pre-marital counseling that Jane and I received prior to our wedding. In the goodness of God while we had little pre-marital counseling, we had been blessed to observed firsthand a few godly marriages and homes.

It’s not a universal, yet you can often surmise what someone’s formative home life and particularly their parent’s marriage was like based on their current marriage. We tend to be creatures of habit and our environment greatly affects us. That means more is caught than taught. If alcoholic parents tend to have alcoholic children, why would we then be surprised if troubled marriages are passed on generationally?

Tomorrow Jane and I will celebrate our 35^th Anniversary. I praise God and am so thankful with the wonderful wife that He blessed me with. Yet, to be candid, I know that being married to me has not been easy. Though the way that my father treated my mother is repugnant to me, more times than I want to remember, I found that I followed that same vile pattern.

My Dad was a rage-aholic. He was a scary person. In his defense, my grandfather, was a rage-aholic…and much worse than that. My Dad used to tell of how my grandfather stomped a dog to death because it had snapped at my father, when my father was a small child.

Sunday dinner after church in our home during my early years was a weekly train wreck. We went to church all smiles and sat in the second row together each week. Yet, at dinner, it was “normal” for my Dad to berate my Mom so badly about something that she’d flee the dinner table in tears.

35 years of being married to me and Jane is still not a fighter. In shame, I must confess that I’ve driven her to tears far too often, much as my father did with my Mom. Angry words spewed out of me. All of my life I have fought my temper and worked to keep it under control...sometimes I failed.

God in His grace has been so good to me. The words of John Newton, author of Amazing Grace, are so encouraging: “I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am.” Spiritual growth, sanctification is a lifelong, ongoing process. One day I will have it all together…when I’m finally Home. Through the years God has wonderfully worked in my heart to cultivate the fruit of the Spirit – peace, patience, longsuffering.

I don’t believe in accidents. Humanly speaking, a boy from Atlanta should never have married a girl from Michigan. Not only are Jane and I from opposite ends of the country, we’re polar opposites on most things – except one. We both love Jesus and that’s made all the difference. Neither of us will settle for status quo or mediocrity in our marriage. We study God’s Word and pray for each other. We pray for our marriage. We read books on marriage and attend marriage conferences. Often, it’s not to learn something new but to remind us of what we already knew.

Over the years we’ve kept short accounts with each other. When we’re wrong, we admit it. We rarely argue or disagree. Though we’ve failed sometimes, we seek to live out Ephesians 4:26, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” When there’s a disagreement, we get it out there and resolve it…and then forget it. If God forgives and forgets, surely we must do that for each other. I can honestly say that I love Jane more today than I did on July 2, 1983 when we exchanged our vows before God of lifelong marital commitment. Having a fulfilling marriage is not complicated. It begins with loving Jesus and seeking to keep Him first.

Add to that, Jane and I are best friends. We’ve got each other’s back. Neither of us demeans or disparages the other, especially in public. If you want to know Jane’s weaknesses, you’ll never get it out of me and the same is true of her. We protect each other and each other’s reputation.

We’ve sought to surround ourselves with friends who have godly, healthy marriages. One of our favorite couples is Don and Margaret Wise. Jane and I are teens compared to them. Now that they’ve relocated to Michigan, we rarely see them. Next year though they’ll celebrate their 75^th Anniversary. When we’ve been with them, they always mention that they pray for us every day. I can’t recall them ever uttering an unkind word to each other. They’re one of many godly couples God brought into our lives.

Though Jane and I want to do things well and enjoy nice things, at the same time, we have low expectations. Too many couples are frustrated with life and exasperated with each other because they’re idealistic. They bicker and chronically complain, even about the trivial. Life is a gift from God to be enjoyed! Joni Eareckson-Tada is right, “True contentment on earth means asking less of this life because more is coming in the next.”

You’ll never enjoy marriage unless you learn to laugh and laugh a lot. Jane and I don’t have to be entertained or go to a show or even watch some comedian to burst out laughing. God is the most creative comedian of all. (If you don’t believe that, look in the mirror.) Learning to laugh at yourself and with each other, so lightens your load. When we learn to laugh at life and not take ourselves or it so seriously, it’s so freeing. Proverbs 15:15 says, “the cheerful of heart has a continual feast.”

Marriage is a journey. Jane and I have now been on it for 35 years. It still seems like just a short trip around the block. If Christ is Lord of your life and marriage, it can be the most fulfilling journey that you will ever take.